Getting over somebody who used you as his rebound relationship can feel more difficult than other breakups. Feelings of rejection may be the worst result of a relationship ending. These feelings are heightened when it comes to rebound relationships. When we feel as though we were used to soothe somebody else’s broken heart, we can be flooded by a whole host of negative feelings, such as pain, anger, and disrespect. Those emotions are real, and you must fully process them in order to heal.
There are deep layers to rebound relationship breakups. The rebound status can effectively invalidate the value of a relationship and make it feel as though things could only happen because an even more significant love was lost.
But the aftermath of the breakup of a rebound relationship allows you the unique opportunity to do some profound soul-level work. You’ll learn how to focus on positive life lessons, and leave the rest of the emotional baggage behind. The process serves not only to center you, but also to move you toward the person you’re meant to be with.
Here are seven tips to help you process the lost relationship, and to get over the person who used you as a rebound:
- Learn the lessons you were meant to learn.
Inherent in every loss are important lessons that can help you see yourself more clearly. So, rebound relationships are not altogether bad. Your self-worth and your capacity for love were not based on the relationship. So, instead of getting trapped in the pain of the breakup, focus on the positives of the relationship, including the self-knowledge it revealed to you. You learned valuable lessons from the relationship. Focus on the positive qualities you brought to the relationship and the personal growth that it inspired in you.
- Think about your next romantic partner.
A rebound relationship offers you beneficial information regarding the type of person with whom you ultimately want to be. For example, you’re angry and resentful after the breakup. This shows that you want somebody who can fully commit to you without holding onto his ex in his heart. You want your love to be all about you and your partner, and you don’t want to feel like a third wheel in your own romance. That’s just a starting point. What other things do you want in a future romantic relationship that was missing from this one?
- Your view of the relationship is valid.
How valuable the relationship was to you, and the feelings you had for your ex, are real, and they’re true. You must carry those truths with you in order to move forward. You’ll never know the depth of the impressions you make on other people, just as they’ll never know exactly how they influenced you. You can’t be entirely certain that your ex considered your relationship as a rebound, or if that’s just how you see things yourself.
- You control your story of the relationship.
After the breakup, you can help yourself heal by reminding yourself that you’re the only one who can tell your story of the relationship. Each person who comes into your life does so because they were an essential character in your story, and you’re an essential character in theirs.
After a relationship ends, you’ll rehash the breakup over and over again. You’ll contemplate both the positive and the negative aspects of the relationship. Eventually, after you tell the story often enough, it becomes clear why things needed to work out in the way that they did. You may not be able to be totally honest at first, but you do have the power to comprehend the influence your ex had on you. It’s up to you to decide where you go next.
- Refute that inner voice that insists you’re not lovable.
Feeling like you were his “plan B” awakens that voice in your head that says you’re not lovable, you’re not worth it, and you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life. But don’t ignore that voice. Don’t silence it. Fight back against it!
- Stop being the victim.
Nothing cuts as deeply as the breakup of a romantic relationship, and people generally find it pretty easy to hold onto emotional wounds. Romantic relationships place positions of extreme vulnerability. Do we trust that we’ll be fully loved and accepted, or don’t we?
If you let a romantic relationship to control whether you feel you’re worthy of love and acceptance, you’re headed for heartbreak. There’s no guarantee that any relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, will work out. So, why would you place your self-value on whether somebody else’s desire to be with you or not?
- Name your fears and face them.
After the breakup, did you begin fearing you’d end up by yourself forever? Did you begin imagining that nobody will ever truly love you? Did you begin fantasizing that your love was always a lie and that nobody will ever have genuine feelings toward you because all they do is use you? Rebound relationships compound all of the fears that result from every other type of breakup. But rebound relationships are especially adept at transforming negative thoughts into powerful adversaries that aim to break your spirit.
Convincing yourself of the irrationality of your fears can’t make them go away. It’s far more effective to embrace your fears. Imagine that you will remain alone. So what? Think about how you would live if it was just going to be you, alone, for the rest of your life. Think about the way you’d want your ideal lover to treat you. Then lavish that type of affection and attention onto yourself. Connecting with yourself shows that nobody could build you up better than you could. Only you could ever know exactly what you need and when you need it. And you Are the only one who will always be around to give it to you.
Rebound relationships are among the most difficult relationships from which to recover. Their fallout is painful and difficult to escape. But you can take advantage of the situation and empower yourself to gain greater clarity. Ultimately, the process will lead you to your true love, even if that true love is you.