When you end a relationship the emotional pain you feel is immense. There is a reason why this sensation is called “heartache.” By understanding your emotions at a deeper level can help you process this grief and heal. However, to do that one often needs to detach from their feelings.
Detachment is a process that helps shift our mindset from a bias colored subjective lens into a more neutral or objective state. Objectivity forces us to step outside of ourselves and the ways we typically process actions or behaviors. This healthier form of aloofness helps us see things as they really are, instead of what we expect them to be.
Why You Should Detach
It is natural to expect some sense of attachment to people, locations, objects, goals or status in life. However, attachment becomes unhealthy when one’s finds themselves unable to live up to their expectations and toxic energy builds to the point it prevents us from being present in our lives.
Example: You recently got a job offer for what you believe to be your dream role. Upon your first month in the position you find yourself with a substantial weekly pay check and a clear path forward in your career, but surrounded by toxic coworkers. You begin to feel relief as Friday approaches, but dread the feeling you experience when you get ready for bed Sunday night. You want to find another job, but wonder whether another role could pay as well and offer the same type of career advancement.
Understanding Your Level of Attachment
In love, normal attachments involved periodically wondering about the other person and occasionally sending out intentions to the Universe for them to be happy, healthy, and successful. Unhealthy attachment occurs when they become your sole focus, to the point other facets of your life are neglected. Often this unhealthy behavior stems from issues in your childhood because your parents were too harsh with you or you were excessively bullied in school. During your youth you felt responsible for causing these negative outbursts and punished yourself for the cruelty of others, resulting in your energy levels and sense of self to become poor.
How to Experience Healthy Detachment
- Assess Your Priorities
Write down all the people, objects, locations and situations that have become a focal point in your life. Be nonjudgmentally honest with yourself and appreciate your willingness to grow. It is important that to heal you must bring areas of concern into the light.
- Identify Patterns
It is vital that you are able to understand the patterns surrounding who or what you feel most attachment. Perhaps there are individuals in your life that you seek to “rescue” or gain their approval? Do you often chase the unattainable or stick with situations you know you can be successful in despite being too easy? Are you quick to end a relationship because you are afraid sharing deep emotions?
This can either be spiritual or secular. Tap into something that provides you a wellspring of peace. By finding your save harbor you can feel content in the knowledge that you can weather any storm. By beginning to rely on yourself for healing you can lessen the need for attachment to external sources.
- Be Bold
We all get stuck in routines. By finding the courage to be bold you can take that postponed hike or explore the cute new café on your corner and tap into a new you. By choosing activities that bring you joy without worrying about how it impacts anyone else, you can cultivate more internal satisfaction. Be willing to dive head-first into the unknown. Sure, it might not always work out the way you expect, but the adventure sure can be fun!
- Love Yourself
When you can love yourself, you can see the love of others as a bonus and not a need! Try to incorporate on act of self-care daily to rejuvenate and balance your energy.